No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
