I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
