My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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