I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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