Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
