So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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