STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
