How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
