I wish I could punch you in the face.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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