Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
