who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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