there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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