Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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