goodnight i made you a song goodbye
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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