She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
