we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day đđ#pensacolaproblems
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type âdog twerkingâ into google search? Because I donât think you do.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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