The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
