Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
