jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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