I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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