Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
