in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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