if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
