I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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