I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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