we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so let's talk penis.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
