oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
