yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
