im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize