i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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