just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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