my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i've created a new STD.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
