u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
