Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
