my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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