Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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