Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
