whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
