Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
