I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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