I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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