i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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