no you cant smoke seaweed
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
