chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
