This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
