If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
