apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
