I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
