Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
