The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
