you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
MIDGETS
????
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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