Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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