I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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