Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
