I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
