It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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