Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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