I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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