She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
