Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize