I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
