And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
