Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
