I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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