Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
