She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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