Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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