Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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