Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i came on her dog
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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