i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
