You smell like stripper and shame
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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