just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
