I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
