Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize