dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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