Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
